My brain is shrinking.
No really, it’s proven science. Hormones coursing through my body have been paring down brain cells randomly that are deemed “extraneous” or “unimportant” without consulting me. If my body thought to ask permission to consume brain cells I suppose it would never agree…
So blame my brain for forgetting to post:
(My Whovian friends will get this in a hot minute.)
I was reluctant to announce at first. This is my sixth pregnancy, meaning I’ve lost 3 babies over the years. It isn’t something that I think about very often, the wondering and meandering down pathways that never lead anywhere is just too much for me. My most recent loss was in November 2014 after a round of a grueling hormone treatment to help me ovulate in an attempt to correct some PCOS issues (and why not try for another baby when I’m not bursting into tears at red lights?). A regular check-up turned into an unexpected shining moment and making a phone call to my best friend immediately so she could help me think through a clever way to surprise my husband. (I drew storm clouds on the belly of a tee shirt and wrote “Stormaggedon” underneath. I made him a coordinating shirt that said “Not Mom”, another nod to the Who-dom.) I asked my photographer friend if she would help us announce with some of her photoshopping skills and started seriously imagining how to decorate a new nursery.
And then I lost it.
And I had to tell those same people all over again that it was gone. The happiness that had been fueling my days sputtered out during a meeting at work that I had to sit through and act like nothing had happened.
Then I got another surprise in early spring.
I bought a test on whim, thinking I could start a round of progesterone (thank you PCOS) and then monitor for ovulation. So I did the deed and set the test on the counter and washed my hands. I hate to look at the tests until the time is up, the wait is too much so I prefer to ignore that it exists for the required 3 minutes. Husband walked in and picked it up.
“These things are so hard to read. Why are these two lines different colors?”
I stopped, hands still in the towel, “Two lines?” And sure enough there were two lines. I was pregnant. (Commence jumping up & down excitedly.) Mom showed up a few minutes later to pick something up and I couldn’t even keep the stupid grin off my face. I showed her the test and then tried not to tell anyone else until the morning sickness became SUPER obvious to everyone who came into contact with me.
My miracle made me miserable for quite awhile. (There’s a restaurant in Indianapolis that will never forget me.) Then it was time for the 20 week scan…
So here it is, week 26 of this surprise-yet-planned pregnancy and my brain is smaller, my hips are wider, my boobs are bigger, and I’ve got a perfect little boy growing in my tummy.