How not to bond with your tween: A guide.


1. Inform her that her handwriting is sloppy and she must re-write her home school assignment. This must be in addition to her regular work.

2. Remind her that her laundry has been sitting in the hallway, clean, and waiting on her to put away. Then make her put it away. And her sister’s too.

3. Make refried bean and cheese quesadillas for dinner, which she hates. For extra points, don’t make her a separate dinner.

4. Require a bath or shower every other day.

5. If at all possible, dedicate some alone time for yourself. This may be difficult but reserve at least 30-45 minutes without kids. If she argues with her sister, ignore it. Only join them if 911 needs to be called.

This guide is not exhaustive but is a great place to start. The tween years are a wibbly-wobbly path to teen-dom that will be fraught with troubles. When at all possible foster independence and sow the seeds of teenage angst by following the steps above.

Do you have any other suggestions or tips for fellow parents? Comment below!

This post is written in jest. I dearly love my tweenager and can’t wait to see what her future holds.


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