Monday was rough. I deliberated over my “first impression outfit” for at least 30 minutes after not getting any sleep the night before, which made me late for leaving early so breakfast was all but missed and then I was still 20 minutes early. (Why didn’t I grab some food to stop the growling in my stomach.)
The company has a new HR director and therefore a new process that has several kinks. The parking was confusing and the newbies like me were lost in the shuffle. We were introduced to about 40 people that I already can’t remember who they are or where their desk is located. Today we spent some time in our offices and some much needed face time with the veterans we are joining.
I have to admit, being around new people is a challenge for me. I can strike up a conversation with you about anything, smile, and contribute to the conversation for about 1-3 minutes. That’s when everything begins to collect into one hell-bound basket.
It is Monday morning, a generic meeting room with a powerpoint presentation on the wall. Bad coffee is brewing alongside packages of off-brand cereal bars.
Me: “Hi! My name is Andrea, it’s nice to meet you. I think we’re working in the same department.”
Unsuspecting Conversational Victim: “Hi, I’m M.”
Me: “Where did you work before?”
UCV: “I was a blank at blank.”
Me: “Oh that’s awesome. I was a blank at blank a long time ago but then I got married and moved and ended up at so & so’s for a good while.”
UCV: “That’s cool. I think I’ll like this new job. Have you ever done this before?”
Me: (Did I just touch my hair for the third time. What am I even doing? I have a pixie cut! My hair doesn’t really go anywhere!) “Yes, I’ve been in this field for two years now.”(Am I smiling too much?)
UCV: “This is a big change for me. I hope I’ll like it.”
Me: (Why would she think she won’t like it? Does she know something I don’t?) “I’m sure you will.” *Smile* (Wait, I don’t know anything about her. I don’t know if she will like it or not. She might hate it!) “…. So did you bring your lunch?” (You just met her and now you’re asking about her lunch plans?!)
UCV: “Uh, yea. I did.”
Me: “Ok yea, me too. I… packed it last night. Ya know… doing that grown up thang.” (Did I just say THANG? Who do I think I am? Oh god. ABORT! ABORT CONVERSATION!)
Don’t get me wrong. Being an introvert is awesome. Applying for work isn’t a problem. Give me a form and I will fill it out like a champ. That form has never experienced such a blank-filler-inner like me, I tell ya.
Thankfully my new co-workers decided to look past my too long smiles and stilted conversations surrounding mundane adult routines. We had lunch together today. (Yippee!)
Maybe by October I’ll be able to be myself?